Clearly Said
On Clearly Said Podcast, we connect with entrepreneurs, sports fans, and life situations who are making a real impact in life, business, and sports. We share these stories to motivate and inspire you to take action in your life. Now kick back and enjoy the show whether you are relaxing, working out, or on-the-move.
Clearly Said
"The Truth About Dating Part 2"
Strap in as we dissect the nuanced realities of single motherhood, the controversial discussion around men's work drive, and the stereotypes that box us in. Our guests don't shy away from discussing why some men seem to lack hustle and how society's expectations shape our views on work and parenting. This candid conversation might just challenge your perceptions and inspire a self-audit on your path to personal excellence. Plus, we're breaking down the popular culture influences on young black women, the true essence of a high-value individual, and the role of personal growth within our relationships.
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I feel like a lot of men don't have that type of hustle. We got now, hello Woo, we talking about it 2020.
Speaker 4:Let's talk about it.
Speaker 2:What's up man? What's up man.
Speaker 5:We back with another episode of the Clearly Sad podcast man yes sir, I'm your boy Chad. We got this, your boy Bong.
Speaker 1:It's me, it's Josh.
Speaker 3:What's up? And I'm Carlisha. I'm Shay Lane, okay.
Speaker 5:We just want to welcome you all. This is episode two part two. If you all watched the first episode, you know what I'm saying. The part one. You know what we finna talk about. Man, we just had to bring on some ladies so we can get a point of view from everybody. You know what I'm saying. We just want to make it seem like it just dudes on here trying to bash them because that ain't what we're about. So we finna get it from through the eyes of some women too. Right, right yeah.
Speaker 2:And on top of that, I wasn't even there. You know what I'm saying. I had a new child, Every girl, my first girl, congratulations.
Speaker 1:Congratulations.
Speaker 2:Congratulations. You know what I'm saying, so I'm glad to be with y'all today.
Speaker 1:Glad to have you, bro, glad to be back. Episode two, part two, or episode two, continued, and so we're going to hit the ground running. First, let's have the ladies introduce themselves. So, carlisha, if you will.
Speaker 3:Well, I'm Carlisha most super-nomance, Carlisha. I'm a mom, million-dollar producer and real estate agent.
Speaker 5:Congratulations.
Speaker 3:And me when I think of me. I feel like if I cannot keep it real with anybody else, I can keep it real with myself at the end of the day, and that's what I feel that I can bring to the show today. We appreciate it, but thank y'all for having me. Let me have it, shay.
Speaker 4:Okay, hey everybody, I'm Shay Lake. I know y'all know me, I ain't got to do too much, but I am originally from Memphis and I moved to Mississippi. I work, I hustle, whatever I can do to give me some money. Not the bad way, but give me some money. I'm going to give me some money. I cook, I'm into makeup, I'm into doing hair, whatever I can do I mean, I may be doing real estate with you, girl Whatever I can do to give me some money, I'm going to do that and I'm going to keep it real with everybody myself, and if you don't like it, then you just don't like it.
Speaker 2:That's what's up. That's crazy. That's crazy. I feel like a lot of men don't have that type of hustle and you just they're lazy.
Speaker 4:Let's talk about it 1,000, 2,000,000.
Speaker 2:Let's talk about it.
Speaker 1:We're going to get into it, let's open it up. And I guess we can stick right with that topic. You know, carlisha, you're a mother. Do you feel like that? Single mothers have a work drive that most men don't have? So, on average, 51% or more men don't have a work drive that single mothers do.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:Wow, that was a quick answer Go ahead and it's something that I believe in. Not only I speak from experience, for sure. But when it comes down to you don't see single fathers the way that you see single mothers, and people always try to say that when it comes down to a single mother, she's always worried about her kids. I can't date her because she got to do this with a baby daddy or she got this with her kids. But nobody ever sits down to really think about what a single mother have to do, like it's like non-negotiable With fathers. They have the choice to go be with somebody else and not even take care of the kid. They have it where they get in no shade to any moms, but you do have a lot of mama's boys that have children and go back to mom when they don't want to pick up the responsibility that they created.
Speaker 3:And when it comes down to being a single mom, for me, my kids are the most important thing in the world to me and my kids depend on me and I know that at the end of the day, when I can't have myself, I have to have my kids and not only being a single mother like I have to be their mom. I have to be their friend. I need to be a caretaker. I need to be able to understand like I have to meet my kids in the middle to understand. I was once your age and I get it. My mom didn't let me do this and I turned out this way, but I'm going to let you do this because I know that you need it, because when I was your age, this is what I needed. It would have made me who I am today if it would have been different. But in closing, yes, I do think single mothers have a drive that most people don't in general, but I think men are lazy.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 3:So that's a pretty blanket statement.
Speaker 1:And I try not to give blanket statements. Maybe a generality, because that's how the world works, on generalities. But you think men, by and large, are lazy.
Speaker 3:Not like men at all, because you do have high valuing, you do have men that respect boundaries, morals and values. But I just feel like the men that don't have morals or values are the ones that are out creating broken homes and don't even understand the magnitude of what they're doing to a woman or kid. I got a little answer for you.
Speaker 1:Okay, come on, and then I'm going to come back to all of y'all with a question, each person on the panel.
Speaker 4:I feel like men are lazy because they didn't adapt it to being with women that don't mind being there and leeching on to a man. A lot of women don't lure theyself. So if a man is out there, a woman and she's not in love with herself enough to know her worth and her value, you got men that's going to take advantage. So why do this and work hard and do this if she's going to break her neck to please me and make sure this and that I don't got to do this?
Speaker 1:So is that the man being lazy, or is that him taking advantage of a situation where somebody granted him access. Well, I feel like most men are taking advantage of situations because or somebody granted him access because you just said that she allowed that.
Speaker 4:I mean yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 1:And so I said on a past podcast and we made it a short, and I'll say it again, I didn't come up with this, but it makes sense when I heard it Women control dating and sex. Like no man has access to you if you don't give him access to you and I say you in general, as women. And so is it the woman's fault or is it the man's fault that the man is sitting up there being lazy, driving your car on your couch, extracting resources from you, only bringing the physical, because you gave him access to you.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you write about that. I feel like it's where women allow. But also on it, you got a lot of kids that was privileged as well. So it's like I ain't never have to work too hard for nothing, so I'm not going to work too hard for nothing. You got some people that didn't have the privilege of being spoon fed or whatever the case may be. So it's like if you was privileged as a child, you got some people that don't grow up with their work ethic of wanting to. Let me get out here and just make a night for myself, because I'm the type some of my folks in my family do got money, but I'm not going to depend on what you work hard for.
Speaker 4:I'm going to get out here and do what I got to do for myself. But everybody's mentality is not like that and most men they're not as mature as women are. So you got some managers. It's easy for them to go take some giddy or whatever. The case may not work hard for what they really need. You got women. We got to do it this way. We got to worry about being judged. You got to worry about being looked at a certain way or you know stereotypes or whatever the case may be. So I don't know. Born down to a men allays is okay, okay.
Speaker 1:So she's thinking about bone and chest. I don't know if you got a rebut for that.
Speaker 2:Of course I got some.
Speaker 1:Of course I got some, that's all right.
Speaker 2:I'm a single father, you know.
Speaker 2:but part of it was right and the part that I disagree with the part that I disagree on is I feel like y'all put every father in that same category. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, you can say 50%, that's a. That's a big ass number. If we go back to our parents and their dads, their dad was not there at all. Now today you have more fathers. That's actually stepping up as a single father. So you really can't just say that and y'all have to look up the statistics and all that good stuff on your own time, but I feel like we actually stepped up as a father black fathers more than we did early on in the past. I definitely feel that.
Speaker 4:Also, you got to look at time range. Back then you had a lot of fathers that went around because they couldn't be around.
Speaker 1:Where is back then? What time, well, 1960, 70, whatever. Well, not in the 60s, because the black family was together in the 60s. That's true. We're going to say 90s because, let's be specific we're going to say 90s because you had a lot of fathers that went around because they couldn't be around.
Speaker 4:Also, on top of that, they working a lot. They got to do this, they got to do that and then everybody was just growing back then. Now it's like men have more to prove because we don't have enough fathers. We got more women. That ain't no more than what a guy is. So it's like more men don't have no choice but to step up and do what they got to do. They don't have nobody else but their kids. So I'd be there for my kids.
Speaker 2:I'm glad you said that, because there's a lot of women out here that's trying to be city girls.
Speaker 4:Trying to prove somebody else.
Speaker 2:Trying to prove somebody else and doing whatever and never to just get attention. But then you got your single fathers in the house actually raising a child every time they go out. You know what I'm saying. I do want you all to understand. It's both sides of the story. Now you can only hear one side of the story all day, every day. Then you might think the same thing that's you feed you. But it's another side too. So y'all need to listen to the fathers too.
Speaker 3:And that's the side I want to hear, because you make a reference about a single father, and I don't never want to convey that one single parent is better than the next, but when you say you a single father if I heard you correctly you feel that you a single father. What about you that makes you feel like you are a single father when you're in the house with your daughter's mom or whatever, whether you and your son's mom are together, there's a co-parent relationship there somewhere. So what is about?
Speaker 2:your life. Define single father. Define single father for you. What is that? In a way, it's a single mother, I mean, it's just opposite.
Speaker 3:I concur, because as a single mother I don't, as a real single mother does not have an in-house partner. If you are a single mother in the house with your child's father, then you're the problem, because there's no way that you're cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, even taking care of him, and you're letting him live in the bed. And that goes back to where your question is is it the one-and-file? Absolutely it is, because you need to take accountability and a lot of people don't take that, and that's the problem with relationships now that. And then you say that people were just screwing back then.
Speaker 3:Like right now I feel like people are screwing more than ever because there's no substance in anything anymore. Like everybody is taking the substance out of anything and it is the being a city girl stigma. Like people will see me and on appearance, yes, I'm a really pretty attractive woman, I know that. But people are going to look at me and be like, oh yeah, she is, she a girl, because they know that the norm and this is what this is what it is right now. Like when you turn on the TV, you see the city girls twerking on the car, you see Cardi B talking about bungles.
Speaker 5:She don't cook, she don't clean. That's what, you see, I mean I cook, I clean.
Speaker 3:These are people that actually pass the. I feel like those are scapegoats, excuses, but I feel like people have a perception of what reality is for them and project on people.
Speaker 1:So why are you saying that? Is that a good? And I want your opinion. Obviously, you don't speak for all women, you speak for yourself, but you do speak from a perspective that you get opinions from other women like you. Is the city girl? Look? Is the hot girl? Summer? Is the do what I want image good for young women and I'll say young black women because you're a young black woman. Is that good for them? Or, in the end, is that not good for them? Because the goal is for most women is marriage and a family, and is that conducive to marriage and a family? Then what come to you by?
Speaker 3:only let her I don't think it's good at all.
Speaker 1:There's no way it's not good W coalition, let's go.
Speaker 3:It's not good now, it won't be good then and it won't be good ever for me. Because how can you grow up and all of us at some point think that when we grow up we're going to have this fairytale life where we get married, we have kids, got the white picket fence and things like that, but how can you go throughout life doing see the girl things, thinking that's the end result? What see the girl do?
Speaker 1:you see. What's the white result? What do you see? What do you see?
Speaker 3:What do you see that has a husband Like young Miami and JT? This is where the see the girl ever come from.
Speaker 1:But you got Cardi B, you got Cardi B. Cardi B always says she don't cook, she don't clean, it's the end of third. But every time we saw her when their relationship was together, she was cooking and cleaning and taking care of the kids.
Speaker 4:So she's selling a lot to the people. That's how she makes her money, because you got to be a certain way. We don't know that.
Speaker 3:But the thing is like people always say one thing and do another. That's why I feel like actions speak louder than words. You can tell me all day oh well, I ain't cooking, I ain't cleaning, I ain't doing nothing. But when you get home, you're cooking and you're cleaning and you're telling everybody that you don't cook and you're clean, because this is what makes money to fuel your household, like for me. I can come out all day and say oh, I ain't doing this, I ain't doing that, I ain't no man doing this, I ain't doing that. But when I get home, I'm cooking for the men and the kids.
Speaker 3:I'm taking my man's plate with the paper towel, like, do you need something to drink? I make sure, like you can't possibly move like a city girl and think that that's what you're doing and expect wife results what you was going to say Bo, she already said Say you let it, yeah, I did.
Speaker 4:But I feel like you still can be you, you still can dress up, you still can pop it, do whatever you want to do, but it's how you do it, Pop it what's pop it Like kind of no, I was trying to get a clarification of what I don't want to put words in your mouth.
Speaker 1:Like you know, that's just my way of you know what I'm saying, you know.
Speaker 4:I just feel like, like you said, city girl, is it good for the women? No, it's not. But at the end of the day, as a woman, we're going to do things that city girls do. City girl don't necessarily mean that you doing this, you doing that, you I don't want to say horn, but horn or whatever the case may be.
Speaker 1:They push me, that's what they push.
Speaker 5:But that's what it is.
Speaker 4:They push that, but I don't feel like that's necessarily what it is. If I say I'm trying to do this, I'm going to get my hair done, my nails done, I feel like I look good, I can dress up, I can dance, I don't necessarily mean I'm trying to, you know, attract the wrong attention, isn't it? Cause I'm a pretty girl, I be feeling myself, I'm going to turn up my may, do a little spin, I may dance as well. The case may be.
Speaker 5:No, that was tenacious.
Speaker 2:Oh, he got that all Rich nigga.
Speaker 5:But like alright, I think, like okay, when it comes to them like girls, like them, uh, sexy red. I just think a lot of times they just rap about what they seem to come out.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying? Like yeah, I do, they're from.
Speaker 5:Miami. So then I'm going up Miami, that's what they seem. So when they grew up, that's what they're rapping about, even though they might not even go by that Cause you know what I'm saying, but you know. But like I just a lot of times, people just rap about what they been through, but so about everybody else.
Speaker 1:Yeah you know, let me wrap it up.
Speaker 4:I know this is what they like. This is what ever See you for a long time.
Speaker 3:All of us I feel like we're all consensual adults, of course and for as long as I can remember, I've always been told that six sales Right, and when you go, even if you go to a strip club, you have provocative women. Women go in there, take their clothes off because they get money for it. You know what I'm saying. Then you have men that rap about going to strip clubs, or girls looking a certain type of way because that's what sales, that's what gets money. But it takes a person to actually understand substance and believe. But, like you said, being true to yourself, like if you can be your truth to yourself and actually understand and know what you are, who you are, what you're working towards, that's what sets you apart.
Speaker 1:So the problem with and I want to the next question everybody think about. Their answer is what is a high value man? But the problem is in the strip club, is the especially women that engaging like the in their adults, the only fans type deal? Women give away a resource that they cannot get back, when you're talking about them trading Sexual activity or whatever the case may be. But men give away a resource that they can give, get back, which is money, and so people be like oh, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:He paid me sudden sudden, sudden sudden, pay me for a second slot, whatever she said on the song. Yeah, he can get the bread back, but you can't unhave sex with him. And men look at that. When they come to you for a relationship it's like what have you been, what have you done? And so that's a. That's a whole other subject, but I do want to get I know you said something about a high value man a couple of minutes ago what is a high value man to you? And then we'll go that way and then I'll go and share it. End of the to me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, a high value man to me is a man of respect, a man of substance, a man that has morals, values and a classic man. And when I say that I mean I go. When I say that, when I think about it, it puts me in a mind of a man that is a protector, a man that stands for, stands firmly on his respect and, whatever that looks like, he stands on it. A man that keeps his word, that doesn't make, don't say things that he can't follow up on or whatever. But I feel like a high value man is a man that stands on respect.
Speaker 1:So how much money does a high value man make?
Speaker 3:I don't think you can put. I don't put a monetary value.
Speaker 1:There's no bottom number.
Speaker 3:How about you man?
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's no bottom number on how much money a high value man makes.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I need to make a noof. We come to you, shay, like y'all ain't moving fast enough.
Speaker 3:I'm not saying that a man doesn't have to make money, but he needs to be able to provide. Be able to provide and whatever that looks like. You need to be able to get that, because you cannot adequately run and lead a household if you cannot provide and whatever providing looks like to you. You do that and as your woman, I'm gonna stand beside you. That's a fact, and we're gonna get to where we need to go.
Speaker 1:I like that, Shay. I thought we were gonna say no, no no, chas bon me and Shay gonna end it.
Speaker 5:Yeah. But I really agree with Carlitia. He just gotta protect and provide. Like we said on the first part, if I feel like I can't provide or protect my household, then I don't need to be with you or you and me. So I ain't no high value man then, yeah, facts, facts.
Speaker 2:Bon, I feel like a high value man for a woman is a person that can actually go behind your dreams and goals. And when I say that let's say you trying to get your real estate license or whatever, well, I'm gonna work while you actually go get your license, I'm gonna take care of everything, I'm gonna pay the rent, I'm gonna do the lights, water, pretty much everything, so you can actually be comfortable, so you can take care of the outside child which is your own child. So I feel like that's a high value man.
Speaker 1:You like that. Okay, to me, high value man is obviously a man that protects and provides, a man that has a vision, a man that leads the household and we'll talk about leading in a second. That's some. That's some other stuff we got.
Speaker 1:I don't think that there is a number Obviously women that won't. A top 15% man won't. That's. I think that's like $100,000 a year is a is a top 15% in the country or maybe even the world. But a man that stands on morals is a high value man and in a man that can say no, you know it's hard to deny yourself as a high value man that gets a lot of attention, because a lot of women talk about me and going from this woman to the next woman, to this woman, to the next woman. But that's a small percentage of me. It's only a small percentage of me that's having all the sex Like I know a lot of the guys that don't get any attention. You know what I mean. And so a high value man is a man that can say no, and so that's. That's just some of what I think are the intangibles of a high man.
Speaker 4:Okay, I feel like a high value man. Like you said, he gotta know how to respect me. Like I'm big on respect. As far as morals, you got to have morals because I don't want to be with a man, okay, you feel like you provide and you protect me, but you still don't respect me, like you got most men now. Oh, I got all this money in the world so I can do what I want to do. I don't want to settle like that, feeling like, okay, my man taking care of me. You got a lot of women settling because they don't want to get out here and hustle for themselves. I need a man that can protect me, provide, make me feel secure enough. You know, you got to feel secure within yourself, but a man that knows, like you said, how to say no, I don't want to be with a man. Every time I look up, you feel like you got money, you got to throw it at a woman because you feel like you do what you want to do.
Speaker 1:And that's a lot of men that we have Like so would you rather have your dream man and share him with another woman, or would you rather just kind of have somebody, but he's all to yourself, like kind of have a guy that you? He's not your dream man. You like him, you love him, but you have him all to yourself. But he broke.
Speaker 4:No, no, no. Nobody wants anybody. I didn't put that in. I want somebody to myself.
Speaker 3:That's the first statement, though it's a bad thing, I want somebody to myself Well, nobody's going to have a broke man anyway.
Speaker 4:You know what I say, I want a man to myself regardless.
Speaker 1:I say that nobody will go ahead and say I'm sorry.
Speaker 4:I want a man to myself. Like I feel like anything we want, you want, I want we can get there. I can push you. I may not have out of money in the world, you may not have it, but if I'm pushing you, motivating you, supporting you, showing you doing what I'm supposed to do as a woman, a man need a woman that he's comfortable enough with to be able to lead. So it's like okay, I'm leading, but I need that push. I need my woman to know when to jump in and say what she needs to say to me to okay, I, okay I can't do this, but here I go, baby, you can do that. Okay, let me go do this. Because she said I could do this.
Speaker 4:Like I'm going to need a man that can prove something to me, prove something to yourself. Like if you ain't that, I'm big on your value, you can have a lot of money in your world, but the value can be this small and you not, you not what you think. Like you can screw on everybody Got all this money. You think you that nigga cause you got all that money. Now Show me some respect for some.
Speaker 1:So while we so, while we get into that point, that was actually a question to have. I had an accident, one question on my nose. All this just came from when we started, so this is a actual question and you really just answered it. If you had, I'm going to ask each person is if you had 80% of what you wanted in a partner. I'm going to ask you all this too, so you'll have to get to the mic for it. If you had 80% of what you wanted in a partner, would you take that husband or wife, or would you keep looking for more than 80%? Carlisha?
Speaker 3:I'll take it.
Speaker 1:Chas, I can take that Bone.
Speaker 2:I need a hundred percent.
Speaker 1:I take it, you take it, boy. I just told him to go to the mic.
Speaker 5:Everybody wait, no floor, he's there. Oh, you had the headphones on. My bad, my bad.
Speaker 2:We ain't. I'm going to take it.
Speaker 1:You're going to take it? Okay, I got you and the reason I said that I actually heard that asked what you didn't answer. I mean you just said but go ahead, would you take that or would you keep looking for more than 80%? When you say 80% of the things on your list. You say man gotta have this, this, this, this, this this day in the Thursday night I can't answer that?
Speaker 4:because I'm not sure, because we have a lot of men and people that we dated. We like to have almost everything, but not enough.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm saying. I can't say it, I'm looking for the.
Speaker 4:I may want a little 80, 590, because you know it's not possible. It might be possible but 80 is like when I know it's somebody that got this. And, like my dad said me all the time, you gotta be able to be with somebody that can do something that you don't like but you willing to deal with it. And there's a lot of people that do things that you don't like but I'm the type you do something I'm like I don't know if I can deal with it and it's like that's why I can't say I settle for 80, because I'm always looking for the part. I need somebody to give me that right.
Speaker 1:Do you think anybody can be 100%?
Speaker 5:or not, I'm gonna take that 80.
Speaker 1:So you just I'm gonna say, I said 75, she was saying 80.
Speaker 3:But I don't but, but, but.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna be 100%, so let me explain the reason why I said 100.
Speaker 1:Okay, and then yo get ready, cause I got something for you. No, I feel like Real talk.
Speaker 2:If y'all going off values and morals? Sinemae had values and morals.
Speaker 1:No, we're talking about the whole of the person.
Speaker 5:Say like he gotta have this type of job, this type of this, but he might have two or three things. She might. I'm just talking in general. She might have two or three things he might. That's off the list that he ain't got. I'm gonna take the 80 because I know ain't nobody in this world perfect but the man above, so like you ain't finna find no, perfect no.
Speaker 1:Boom, are you 100%?
Speaker 2:of what somebody wants, not right now, all right.
Speaker 3:So how can you, how can you answer this question and go in and say that you want a hundred percent?
Speaker 2:Well, you're not even a hundred percent yourself cuz, the same way I'm working on myself, she should be working, okay, this but you cannot.
Speaker 3:But you cannot say that if you and I in the dating world data market and it's awful right now for starters but if you're doing the homework and you working on yourself and you, you're at your hundred percent, you meet me and you like me, you're drawn to me and you see that Okay maybe she's like 95.
Speaker 2:I'm saying but see, when he asked me this quiz, I'm thinking I'm walking down the aisle. Finna, give him.
Speaker 3:Want to go that far and you want to go that far. You have two children and you married neither one of them. So how the end, if you truly believe what you believe we are all told as kids? You married before you Produced, but the and that's the belief in it.
Speaker 1:But no, that's the best situation. Usually that's the best situation for children is to marry parents in a household. Right now, for whatever reason, that doesn't happen, but usually that was it.
Speaker 3:It's a conversation, it's not aimed at.
Speaker 4:The person or you know, but that's not good for the child.
Speaker 1:Listen, I was just about to say Nick can, because I know no, that does not matter that does. I'm gonna tell you, in my opinion, this.
Speaker 2:Just let me get my thought across right here, nick Cannon of Tupelo, by the way. No, I don't even have any.
Speaker 5:Let's not get like clearance porn.
Speaker 1:This is okay. Shout out to my dad. This, this is what I'm saying is Nick Cannon, I think he has nine children by seven different. But what I'm saying is is, no matter how much money you have, you don't have unlimited time and there's no way. So you telling me you think two of his kids have never had a sore tummy At the same time and they not in the same house.
Speaker 1:Right you telling me that two kids they never had two teeth to be pulled at the same time and he's not in the same house. I know several people and I have relatives that have parents that brought him up. They were dirt poor but that both of their parents was in the house and they loved them kids and they would. They would not trade that for one more night. Obviously they want more money, but if they had to give up their parents been in the same house for money, they wouldn't do it. And so I'm not saying that resources aren't important, but just to say like I got money to throw my BM that Kids don't know that as long as kids are clean, fed and loved, that's all they know, all right, that's all they know.
Speaker 2:Look, we're gonna pay some bills.
Speaker 1:Let's pay some bills right here. Y'all watch this ad. We'll be right back so guys.
Speaker 2:We had to take a quick break. Man, I need y'all to do something for me. I need y'all to hit the subscribe button, hit this like button and hit this notification.
Speaker 5:We are back from Paying some bills, man, but I got a little quick little question right quick. All right for sharing. Well, it really everybody, but I want the ladies answers first. Like what from your past relationships? Okay, so like what do you realize that you was like the strongest that and like what would you like the weakest that in your y'all past relationship? Like you know? So like this was some dead. Every dude you or every person you've been with loved about you, and or you might have some that they really didn't like and that might have been.
Speaker 5:Anything so which I'll answer to that.
Speaker 4:I'll start off. I feel like I'm gonna start out with. I feel like people don't like about me. I'm very outspoken and blunt Me and say all the time they want a woman is real and decent, a, but I'm giving you that you can't handle it. So it's like it becomes a flaw for me or to them because it's like you. You want a woman that's gonna be real with you.
Speaker 4:If I was to go cheat right now and you asked me if I did it, I made nine times up to take. I ain't gonna lie, I did. I don't know why I did it, but I did it. I'm sorry, is you gonna with the whoop? You can't handle it. You were ready me protect your feelings like you would do to me. I don't like that. I feel like my strongest thing, coming from a man with a like about me, is my drive, my push, like I can be my bro kiss today and I'll be like I'm gonna give me some money. I don't know how to do it. I'm gonna do it. I don't gotta go get out here and sell my soul. I don't have to go get on. No, pole, do none of it. It's like when you got it in you to go get it. You're gonna go get it and they respect it and a lot of women Don't know, don't got that way can't.
Speaker 1:Can he not handle your honesty or can he not handle that you cheated? Because honesty and cheating is two different things, like he can say I want you to be honest.
Speaker 5:But she's saying, like, she being honest about her cheating, like for instant, yeah.
Speaker 1:but she said he now you can't handle it. I can only be honest, I can't help you. Cheese, okay, go ahead.
Speaker 4:Yeah, but it's like if you're asking me how I feel about you, if my feelings change, I I have mixed emotions, this and then I'm being real with you. You can't handle it. You asking me if I've talked to other people or this and that, whatever you're asking me, I'm you. The answer to you can't handle it.
Speaker 4:You got a lot of men that be like. I want my woman to be real with me. I want to be this and that. Tell me to. I'm telling you everything and you can't hear me. So do you like it? Do you like me being real or do you want me to do what you doing and try to protect your feelings? Now, when it come to the light and hit the fan, y'all know it's a fan. You didn't tell me why. You didn't just keep it real me. But you don't like me being real with you. So what's the point?
Speaker 1:I got a follow-up question, but I'm gonna let Carlisa goes. I don't.
Speaker 3:And the question was in past relationships, what did your partner not like about you?
Speaker 5:Yeah, and what did they?
Speaker 1:What were you strongest at and where were you weakest at your past?
Speaker 3:relationship.
Speaker 3:Like it could be like for me in general Well, it's not general because it's what it is I feel like no partner open to now could handle the strongly Okay. I'm a very strong, outspoken, outstarter, diligent type of woman and I'm so secure in myself that there's nothing that you can say to me that's going to change who I am as a person. And a man can't take that, because sometimes I feel like me that I've dealt with prior to Seeing how strong I was and how secure I was, and men that see that try to break you down and tear you apart because at some point I feel like me and build you up to tear you down as a Ego fix or whatever. But I feel like that me and prior to now Couldn't handle me.
Speaker 1:The strong black woman I am so you would you dream me right now, you would your dream in right now.
Speaker 3:And I feel like that was a strong part of me. But the weak part of me was being too forgiving. Okay, and and when I say too forgiving is to the point where I've been through so much as a woman that I developed a understanding of all perspectives from any different Person in one transaction or one situation. So it, when somebody comes to me and they be like, okay, well, she didn't say this and she didn't say that, or he didn't do this, even say that, I'm like, okay, well, I can see why they didn't, I can see why you did, but I can also see this way too right, and that's just a level of self-awareness that I have. That, I feel like, is a weakness, because Just because I understand you does not mean I should have a game for what you did.
Speaker 1:Right, I like that. I like that strong. Just because I understand you doesn't mean I should have forgiven you for what you did. We're gonna make that sure.
Speaker 5:Yeah, it already is. What about you?
Speaker 1:CJ, you asked the question.
Speaker 5:Tim.
Speaker 2:All right. Well, he just threw it to me. So I'm out only been in two real-deal relationships and my first relationship I feel like I was a boy. You know I'm saying I wouldn't demand that I am today, and that's what a lot of people get confused Years ago, they still see that same person to me today. I'm not the same person. So that's the reason why I Kind of understand what y'all know. See, but that's not me. You know I'm saying Over the years I gained a lot of knowledge. You know I'm saying I worked a lot of jobs, I helped a lot of people over the time frame. But I can't take back what I did in my past life. You feel me so that's what I did, those. My weakest point is being a boy. You know I'm saying I feel like my strongest point was Like having a strong bond relationship. You know I'm saying I can talk to anybody about anything. We can be beefing, but five minutes later we can be the best of friends. You know I'm saying so I feel like that was my strongest points.
Speaker 1:I'm forward. I can agree, you want to close, you want me to go?
Speaker 3:Did you get the answer you was looking for?
Speaker 5:Okay, but all right. So my weakest thing I didn't want to over talking.
Speaker 1:I've only been in one relationship besides with my wife, and I would say that my weakest point in the relationship would be I Don't know. I go with my strong point. My strong point was ending things, was being able to end it in Anything that I was in. And then probably a weak point would be Not being able to realize that you have to have an understanding, not just communicate, because people say communication is key, understanding is key, like you can be talking and not understand and I don't understand you, and then vice versa, and so. But I definitely agree with bone, if I could have a second, what bones they. Just being young, I mean, it's not a bad choice that you make, but it's a man. You make so many mistakes when you're young. Definitely you make so many mistakes that are carried with people in their heart for the rest of their lives, and you're young, you know so. But I believe that all things work together for the good.
Speaker 5:So All right.
Speaker 2:Big doubt.
Speaker 5:I was about to shut up, but my weakest thing like and I'm, but in this, I'm still working this to today, like me just being able to say no, you know, I'm saying like I, if mother tells me right now, and be like, pull up, I'm so basically somebody from past. Yeah, it's just hard. I'm not saying, I'm just saying like that's to anything though. Like, say, I would date somebody back then, or, and then my ex be or ex be. Like Kim, kim, you got out to eat, thanks.
Speaker 5:I'm like yeah, that's cool, but I'm not understanding how this making the person I'm with you like Even though wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you went out to eat with your ex and you with somebody. I'll make an example. But I'm saying like, okay, I'll be, like, yeah, we can go out, even though I'm we ain't gonna do nothing but eat, right. But I'm still ain't think about what my partner thing it's platonic to you.
Speaker 3:But I only feel like he's only gonna mean more than what it is to Somebody who don't know what it is, because in her mind she's just asking you to go out to eat because maybe she want to talk things out, rehashing things and y'all be together. But in your mind it's like now we just cool to somebody. None of them but that's a problem where that's the conversation that y'all should have had. Before hand but to me you don't need to be going out with her anyways, because this you see, but yeah, in the perfect world, yeah yeah.
Speaker 4:So she may just want to talk about her other relationship. It still happens like you got a lot of people that are still cool with exes and go out his friends. But it look a certain way to us because we don't understand what you Trust me. A lot of people do that.
Speaker 1:I know a lot of people do that, but it also depends on what y'all mean by cool.
Speaker 3:Yes, you can be cool. There was a. Yes, you can be cool and be cool. Talk on the phone about whatever. When it comes down to being cool with an ex to the point where y'all going out in public Dating, going on but not necessarily going out in public eating together, showing up at family events.
Speaker 1:I just don't think.
Speaker 5:And the speaker on like what was she was saying like I got exes, like that. Like I ain't saying we Super close best friends, but like you, got that one thing like it. I don't have exit milk talk about they relationship and I'm like I I'm gonna talk to them like I'm just a friend. I ain't gonna speak down on dude Just cuz I'm like I don't want you to be with him now. I'm gonna be like a what? Maybe you stop doing this and y'all just talk like I ain't saying I'm cool with it.
Speaker 4:It's like I'm still gonna make mama, how chilling Cuz it may look a certain way to your girl, but to me it's like it ain't really that. But I can't make you see it from my point of view, because all you see in this it's your eggs. Why are you talking? Yeah?
Speaker 1:but, it.
Speaker 4:Just what I'm saying is realistic, because a lot of people are cool with exes and even though they may not be going, it's just communicating period. I may not like you communicate with her, but it's just the fact some people can go back to people. They feel that they can talk to me.
Speaker 1:But I'm the exit.
Speaker 4:People feel like that can tell you.
Speaker 1:But are you cool with that? If you are in a relationship I'm saying if I'm a right, and I'm gonna go on to the next question if you're in a relationship, yeah, go ahead and make that face with the man of your dreams and he's still confiding in his eggs. Are you okay with that?
Speaker 2:I Might sound like a. I'm with right now she a acts Her baby daddy, like questions. You know I'm saying Retaining to like her child or whatever like those are.
Speaker 1:If I different. That's the child. I didn't got nothing to do with you.
Speaker 2:They talk about. I don't give a fuck about it, I'm like because it's their child just you have to talk to your.
Speaker 1:You got to talk to baby bones mama about stuff you you will always have to right. You know I'm saying that's what I'm talking about no, no.
Speaker 5:No, we're talking about like. Like I just said, my AC never be like you want to go See you on a whole different, but I'm playing.
Speaker 3:Is going where it doesn't need to go and I just feel like people who battle with that have an issue with setting boundaries, because if you set the boundary, you set the, set the foundation on what it is or it is not going to be. You won't go into those conversations or instances where I Feel like I can call you and go to Longstar, because we used to go together.
Speaker 2:Clearly said not like that.
Speaker 1:Clearly said Okay so I think I want you to react to this statement and I want y'all to have a reaction to this statement too. I believe that the overwhelming majority of women are not single by choice, and the reason I say that is Women. Obviously women have control to in the access to dating and sex, and so the men approach the women. They turn down Most men, the overwhelming majority of men 99 out of 100 men get turned down. But if you told that woman she could build a man and have him today, she probably would. But you hear a lot of women say oh, I'm single because I want to be. I'm single because I want to be.
Speaker 4:Do you believe that? Cuz?
Speaker 1:I think it's cat no go ahead say.
Speaker 4:I don't feel like I'm singing cuz I want to be. I feel like it's coming to be a woman. We want a man, I want somebody. I want to be happy, but I'm not why don't you have a man?
Speaker 1:Why don't you have a man?
Speaker 4:Okay, okay, okay. I'm single by choice because I feel like the type of woman that I am. They say that I'm an alpha how you pronounce the alpha, female whatever you want to call very dominant. I don't know man for nothing. Are you mean that? No?
Speaker 1:but is that the only reason you so?
Speaker 4:no, I'm getting to what?
Speaker 1:okay, I'm gonna push this one.
Speaker 4:I'm single because I'm not finna see here and settle for a man that they don't respect me and I'm the type of person I'm big on respect, loyalty, how you treat, cuz I was raised off how I want I treat people how I want to be treated. If you cannot treat me how I Would want to be treated. I'm not saying that we don't fling around, deal with the dealings with people, not that because they don't count. I want an actual relationship and if I can't have exactly what I want, why would I sit around settling? I can be talking to a do I like we could be doing? We don't, but I'm not finish it and just settle for you.
Speaker 1:Are you gonna get, are you?
Speaker 4:I'm not saying. I'm gonna get what I want, but it's like.
Speaker 3:But are you, am I right now, currently, what you want in your partner and your person? I feel like I am, and that's your answer. And stand on me. You say you still like you are.
Speaker 1:But do you think that? Because in a and me and my wife have had some conversations before and this and you, you learn. But I say that most of the time women talk about speak from how they feel and men speak from what they think. And it's okay that women speak from what they feel, because normal is not just what is male, normal is also what is female, because the human experience is both. But what do you think when you think about what you want from a man? Are you the female equivalent to that, do you not? What you feel like? Yeah, I feel it is. What do you think? Because your thoughts are what's true? Yes, your feelings are like.
Speaker 4:I do think that I am the type of woman a man needs because of the mentality that I have, and I'm the type of woman I know. Say, for instance, when something is going on, you want somebody to be there, to know exactly when to be there for you and how to be there and say the right word, or do what they supposed to do, go, however, have whatever. I feel like I'm dead, one big field, whatever. But at the same time, it's like Men still, regardless of the type of men that we want, they still want. They can't eat it too. And I'm just not finished. I mean, I don't know if I'm supposed to settle for that, because everybody team or everybody not cheap, I don't know it's. Do y'all feel like I mean?
Speaker 4:Carly's this is what I'm.
Speaker 1:I don't know before we go to that, what's your response to the overwhelming majority of women are not single by choice, because women give out sex, men give out relationships. I.
Speaker 3:Do? I do feel like, okay, I'm gonna say what I'm gonna say, it's just open as I can be. Yeah, I do feel that there are women in the world there are single by choice, but the vast majority or not. And I feel like the women that are saying that I'm single by choice and I feel that they're not is because they hadn't done the inner work to be the person that they're or to possess the qualities that they have, that they're looking for. So, when there are people in the world, they are single by choice, but that, but that's majority. The people that say they are or not, and it's just because you lack the qualities of a candidate.
Speaker 1:I got you CJ.
Speaker 2:They like the qualities.
Speaker 5:I agree with Carly's I can't eat that I mean she.
Speaker 1:Now that was stated, that was Boom. My boy said for once. So I say you, say no you agree with us.
Speaker 2:You said, I mean she been talking some real shit. I just feel like that particular question.
Speaker 5:Yes.
Speaker 2:Yes, he just hit right on the nail, real. So.
Speaker 1:So to kind of go off of what you just said, because another question of mine, another statement of mine is Men self-improve for women, but women don't usually self-improve for men. Do you think that's a true statement? Or or why not? And here's why because I know me for myself. When I used to be single, I've had several people in my life asked me why are you still single? And I would answer I would truly answer I'm not the equivalent to what I'm asking for.
Speaker 1:And so in being a young man, I said I need a home, I need this, I need a job, I need that, I need to grow in this area if I want to have a wife and have a family. That was for myself, not, I won't say a woman specifically, but the things that you see on social media and culture and art reflects life. You hear women say I'm doing this for me, this is my year, this is my high girl summer. I'm getting this for me. I'm doing that for me. This is my money. Do do women not self-improve for men? Because I know that men self-improve for women.
Speaker 3:I Do feel like women self-improve for me and I feel like majority of the time they only self-improve for me, and I don't agree with it because I feel like if you're gonna improve yourself or anything, do it for yourself, because if you, if you're doing something for yourself, you have to do it for yourself first to be able to be it or anything for somebody else. And I feel like Women that do are insecure. Those are women that are not in, those women that are not secured within themselves. Because if you feel like you're, you wake up today, your 30 years old, you've had this Bowl on your face your whole entire life and all of a sudden you meet this man that is Halfway your dream man.
Speaker 3:He doesn't like it and you want to go cut it off why?
Speaker 1:did he say he didn't like that? Cuz I don't know. I don't know a man that loves a woman. That was a general. That's why I said that a man that I got you. I see what you say.
Speaker 3:He said that he don't like it, and now you want to cut it off.
Speaker 1:But he's not your dream.
Speaker 3:The man that's this for you for real. That's the most favorite thing you like about. That's what he liked about you, but you chose that man in that moment to cut it off.
Speaker 1:And now you just now, if he said that we need to get that cut off because it may be dangerous to your health, fine. But if he tells you he doesn't like something about you Because of the way it looks, he never did that that's not your guy.
Speaker 1:A prime example. And then chas can, can answer. And we come back to Shay, dr Boyce Watkins. He's a finance PhD. I listen to him all the time. He got married like five or six years ago. When he got married, smart dude made a lot of money but he never, um, he had like some missing teeth. He never fixed his teeth. His wife didn't say nothing for like three or four years and then he just popped up one day with some veneers and I see stuff like that More compassionate like the person that loves you is going to love you regardless and then encourage you to hey, if you want to change this, change it for you. If not, I'll accept you how you are because she married him first. She married him just how he was. So I don't know, chas, how you feel about that. Do you think men grow for women and or or do women just grow for themselves?
Speaker 5:I believe some men grow for women like they improve they self for the woman that they really love.
Speaker 5:Yeah, like if I really love you and you telling me a you know, it's just some stuff I need you to work on before we take that next step. If I really love you and I feel like you, my wife, I'm gonna. I'll beat you for the rest of my life. I'm finna work on everything you just said. I'm finna work on every day. I'm gonna try to become 10% better, 5% better each day. So, yeah, I believe men do get better, I know, they will improve their cell.
Speaker 2:For that, that woman.
Speaker 1:Yeah that woman.
Speaker 4:Yeah, there gotta be a person and it's also a percentage of men that would do that, not all men or change they said for improve that women, like she said, most women only improve.
Speaker 4:They sell for men because they're insecure, because they feel like they're not worth the end of the head of the man that they need and won't. I would do it for myself now as far as I'm gonna improve everything I want about myself because I know this is what I want for self. But I know that I need the qualifications and this or that to have the type of man that I need. So I'm gonna improve and do what I'm supposed to do for the man that I want and then I'm gonna check what I want. But I do think women is a percentage now, but it's a percentage of most is a percentage of women Nowadays are insecure. So they're improving their cell for me and all the time. But men don't sit that way because I should just got this because we do the wood. But she doing it to keep you whole time she can't even afford or handle what she's improved, cuz she ain't is that?
Speaker 1:so tell me this, um, and so I don't think this. This is just me now and then I've heard other people say this too. But men compete with other men. It's outward, like me and bone will tell each other you know, we're in the same sector, I sell cars, you sell cars, we're in competition. I miss, which is cool. Like that.
Speaker 1:Men compete openly, women compete covertly, and so I believe that women's beauty standards are in competition with other women to get Attention from men and so like. That's why a lot of times, a girl will come into space and the first thing she's doing is to see who's in the room and what the other girls are wearing. Or when girls insult women, insult each other, the first thing she says is she's ugly. Because women compete for men's attention by competing with other women. That and I said all that to say why don't women tell the truth? Most women not all, but I would say 51% or more women say I got my hair done for me, I put my makeup on for me, I got a BBL for me, I got a, I got breast implants for me, when it's really not for her.
Speaker 4:It's for her to compete with other women for the attention of high value, exactly so she. You can answer that that is so true, because a lot of women be intimidated. For instance, you got a woman that like this dude, but he's looking at this type of woman. So now you got this woman over here competing with the woman that he's looking at because she won't get attention. And that comes with women being insecure. They don't, it's something that they don't like about they self and they feel like they can't get the man they won't. So I'm gonna compete with this woman, not me, but some women like okay, she got, these will you don't think you're competing with women.
Speaker 4:I don't compete with them because I feel like I'm that girl. I'm a.
Speaker 1:So how do you know how to do your hair, what to wear and how to take it to another level if you're not? Cuz I know, I know, not that I'm competing with, let's say, I don't know somebody out there that can dress. Not that I'm competing with them, I'm like all bro wearing such and such, okay, so that's what, that's what everybody doing. I need to at least be here to be at at the minimum standard. So you, you think that you're in a race of your own.
Speaker 4:I've always been my own person. I'm a leader. I stand ten for Shay. Okay, I want this hairstyle. I want that hairstyle cuz it'll be with me. It don't matter if you don't like it. I've been with plenty men and be like why you got this hair, I like it. You don't gotta like it. She ain't got a like. I got a hairstyle that most women I get stuff that most women won't even get or try because they scared, because they worry about what everybody else think. I don't care what nobody think when it come to my style. I look has because I do a lot of stuff off of what I think. I have my own way of doing things. I have my own way of looking at life Fashion, clothes, hair. I do everything that I want to do for Shay because I'm very artistic, I'm very authentic, I want to stand out. When you see me, they got on the science shoes. I may have on some shoes a child on like, but I made it look good because I put it together.
Speaker 4:I got you and I mean.
Speaker 1:I'll kill shit, boo Carlisha. So the the question, the statement, was that women compete with other women for men's attention, but men openly compete with each other.
Speaker 3:Yes, I agree, and oh, I feel like it all boils down to like the self-work. A lot of women don't do the self-work because just because Somebody looks this way does not mean internally that's how they feel. And I always feel like, whether you go get a BBL, whether you go, given the years, whatever it is that you do, you're doing it because you want to change Something that you don't like. And in order to and I feel like, in order to be Real with yourself, how can you change something that you don't like without embracing it first? And Whether you can embrace it and still change it but a lot of people don't embrace the insecurity.
Speaker 3:They just change it to try to wipe it out, to get rid of it so that it doesn't exist. But at the end of any day, keeping it real with yourself, like as a woman, you have to do the self-work and a lot of women is are missing the self-work and whatever that looks like Whenever you go through something to sit down and I think not just women in general. As people, we lack the self-work. When we go through something, we need to sit in it, you need to feel it, you need to allow yourself to be able to process everything that's going wrong with it. And Because even for me, I've changed things about myself that I don't like.
Speaker 3:No, I didn't didn't get a BBL, because I know a lot of people are asking, but I didn't like my tea for a long time. My smile was, my smile was pretty and, but it was just an insecurity of mine because I just don't like it. I've tried to embrace it. I've tried to do this, I did this and I did that, but ultimately I came to the decision where I'm gonna fix my teeth and that was a confidence booster for me. I didn't do that because I will. Maybe this man won't like that. I have cricket teeth, or my best friend I like, my teeth is cricket. I did that for me because that's what I wanted internally for myself.
Speaker 3:I got you so when it.
Speaker 1:I believe that's a real thing. I believe that some people can fix something for themselves. I do. The majority of women fix things to compete with other women and I get it.
Speaker 3:And then, and when you say something about men compete openly and women do it in private, and it's because women compete in private, because they know the same problem that they have with that woman they like. For me in general, and it's just something that I've come after, come to terms with, but a lot of people literally don't like me and I've never done.
Speaker 1:Why do you think that is?
Speaker 3:because I'm gonna get to there. A lot of women just don't like me, and it's not just a like that oh, I hate her. She's ugly, she's dead. She's dead like. I possess a lot of characteristics and features and when it comes out to my personality that a lot of women wish they had and it's nothing that's with me or whatever, but when I walk in the room I demand my respect. You're going to respect me.
Speaker 4:You have a choice.
Speaker 3:But there's women that go in and they're timid by somebody in the room. They were not, but when I walk in the room with my feet at the floor, you're gonna know I'm here. And you feel it and it's not necessarily there. Some everybody don't have it, but it's something that you do for yourself. It's the All the stuff work that I've done up until this point. I'm in this building because I deserve to be and you can't tell me.
Speaker 5:I.
Speaker 2:Actually work to get to that level.
Speaker 3:Like, because at that point I used to be an instant I used to be a woman there like okay, well, I've been a woman that has been. Out of the two relationships that I that I've been in in my life, I've been the partner that got cheated on and, yes, I did look at her, people like, but he cheated with her because she was dark skin, or he cheated with her because she was thicker to me or she was smaller to me. I've been there but at the end of the day, when it comes down to it, that had nothing to do with me. That man had a problem with himself that he couldn't fix, so his scapegoat was cheating, and that's just what it would like when people. People always take things personal, but sometimes he just doesn't have anything to do with you right people have ugly characteristics that they just don't fix.
Speaker 1:Cheating is about selfishness. Yeah, it's about you wanting what you want and not Valuing the person because you may lose them because of what you want.
Speaker 5:Them on what you said. I'm just hey, nothing. D women came in here today talking it.
Speaker 3:In a given moment and I always ask myself and Most people know, and some people don't that, like 2020 was a was a turning point for me as a woman and, without going to detail, if I didn't Deal with and sit in one of the most traumatic experiences in my life, I probably wouldn't be the woman who I am today. And the reason why I said it is because I know who I am, I know the woman I want to be, I know the goals that I'm working towards and if I didn't see the end, then it was gonna come back and slap me in the face at the wrong time.
Speaker 1:So it was that it was. It was a really tough time for you. I don't know, I'm just saying you said it was a pivotal moment for you. If you could go back, would you change that or would you because you know how hard that time was, however hard it was, if you could go back, would you change that? Or if you went back and you knew that was coming, would you still take it, because you know how you are today?
Speaker 3:No, I wouldn't change it. Yeah, I'm also a person that believes everything's have. Everything happens for a reason, and it happens the way that it.
Speaker 1:Everything happens for a reason and because of a reason. That's. That's what I say.
Speaker 3:I got you bone.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you've been.
Speaker 5:Okay, shit, I wouldn't change. And I went through it like, yeah, cuz I people be like with me, like people like bro, you just be, always, be like happy or you always smile and stop be like Shit, I got no. I don't know I got no. I've been through my life like to keep this smile. So my family, even when I'm like, even when they see me out and I'm Smiling out of stuff, but I'm still battling shit like yes, like you, regardless on what stuff looks like, you're on the outside looking in.
Speaker 3:You don't know the demons that I'm fighting. Yeah, I thought don't know the stuff that I'm battling, going back and forth with, like I literally really have real life stuff oh, home behind closed doors, but because I decided that I don't want to wear it.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:I'm just the happiest in the world. Yeah, like like I had to do.
Speaker 5:I had to do in box me one day. Who, like he, was like bro for a long time. I ain't even like you like you, message me. But I'm like, but I guess you just like it was well, he was telling me that just he was trying to apologize at the same time.
Speaker 1:Okay, he was jealous of you.
Speaker 5:Yes, I was like why, bro? The first, I said brother one, I don't know you, I like I don't seem to you around, would have been in the same place, but I don't know you. He was like. You know, ain't there bridges? Like Like everybody love you bro, like you, always, people want to be around you.
Speaker 1:And you can't hate on. You can't hate on somebody just because they get love from people.
Speaker 5:Yeah, but like I, told I was like but that's my personality, I said it, just that. Just how we raise brother to treat everybody. Wherever I go, I'm a treat everybody, saying but like. Then I told my sister but you know, I said but you don't be around when I be at home, can't sleep cuz I'm thinking about shit like stuff I'm going through or stuff I don't went through that they still bother me right now to the day. I said so I mean, it's cool, you know like me, but try to understand me before you just say you know like.
Speaker 4:I ain't gonna lie, I always felt like most hated, because when you are authentic and you really raw, raw and real is rare to come by like, like you said, like I can walk in a room and I'm just me, i'ma stay my team, i'ma be shade. I'm very dramatic, I'm over the top on fun, and a lot of people don't like you because of, like you said, your aura, because a lot of people don't have that. And it's like Going back and changing, like I have regrets but I don't, because it's like a lot of stuff that you go through. A lot of people our age and older people, are suffering from Traumatic experience, from being young or decent it, or being touched up, whatever they went through. And it's like, okay, had I not went through that, would I be stronger or will I be weaker?
Speaker 4:You know, a lot of people don't go through enough to know if they'll be strong enough, which I'm happy that I'm a strong woman but it's like, do I, do I regret going through that or do it cuz I can't say I don't have no regrets cuz I do regret Some stuff, but then again I be like, okay, I don't have no regrets because I'm very strong, I'm stronger than the average woman. I feel like that because my mentality is different. Every woman don't think the same. Most women are soft. I have this strong guarded mechanism Like I'm just me, I don't care, i'ma stand 10. It can be shade against the whole world, I'm still gonna stand on what I feel, what I think I don't feel like nobody like me, but like when I be right, but like when it comes, like like To them.
Speaker 5:Strong people. People need to understand. Strong people need somebody. Like I need somebody late knocking cold like bro not just Like anybody. I can just call it, I can cry or anything. Just because I seem strong when y'all see me, just because I'm handle stuff the way I handle, it Don't mean that I don't need somebody or it hurt or it didn't make you feel like everybody else yeah, like I don't have to be hurt.
Speaker 5:I get hurt, hurt feelings, all type of stuff, but I like, like you said, I don't wear it. You know I'm saying like when you see me I'm still be smiling, I'm still be me goofy, whatever. But that don't mean you can't put me to the side and be like say, bro, you good, hell, nah, I ain't good, I'm just out here. You know, I'm just making it look good, but I ain't.
Speaker 3:You know, I'm saying I feel like it's just a stigma, like strong people still need people. And for me, even with any kind of traumatic experience regarding 2020 or any year. Anytime I've went through something, I've always been, and this is probably some where I went wrong a lot of times too, but anytime I was going through my stuff, I was still there for other people.
Speaker 3:And so to the point where they I could have been to the point where I want one little thing, even we can. Just this cup can spill over and that's it for me. I'm doing it was a breaking point, yeah it could have been a breaking point, but even in those moments I was still strong enough to be that beacon of light for somebody.
Speaker 4:I underestimate that, though.
Speaker 3:Right. They underestimate it to the point where they feel like I'm never going through anything. I'm always strong, I'm always, I can always use up the strong person to the point.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I've always strong. I've always shown that I was strong to the point where, when I do break it and I do need somebody, people don't believe that I'm hurting. Like I just went through a situation where I was in my mind, in my heart, in my soul I was hurting, yeah, and I'm literally telling people that I'm hurting, but they didn't believe that I was hurting because they've never seen me hurt before.
Speaker 1:So I'm glad you said that. Does that hurt and, excuse me, does that hurt women? Because we know that women on average deal more in an emotional realm than men on average. But in this boss babe era, you see, women try to push back some of the best parts of them and that's their femininity, and they try to push back their emotion. Does that hurt women overall? Because they lean into their masculine, because in order for you to be successful in the business realm, you have to lean into your masculine. Now, me personally, I don't think that's good over time for women, because you have to suppress your feminine, which are literally the best parts of you, the parts that make you the great mother, the parts that make you the great wife. Is that good for women to lean into that masculine? Because that's why those people didn't believe you were hurting, because it's like oh, it's Carly, she good, she good.
Speaker 3:And I also feel like that stems from people who think that what bone was saying earlier? When he was younger, he made decisions that are following him now, that he's just not that person anymore. And at that time, yes, I was a very, very strong woman. But the reason why I was so strong is because I had no choice to be For me. I'm somebody who graduated high school at 6. I graduated high school at 17. Yes, I had me my first son at 16. Like I had no other choice but to go out and be strong. Like I've literally been up until this point and fight or fight my entire life.
Speaker 3:And people don't know what that means and when you can decipher what it is to go work to fix it, to go where you hit it. That's what sets you apart. So, in a point, I don't think that leaning into your masculinity is good over time either, but you have to.
Speaker 1:You got to do what you got to do, you have to.
Speaker 3:And to get to and I feel like you have to lean in it to get to take yourself to the next level. And when I say next level, that means as a timid as this timid woman that I was, my masculinity was giving me the balls to say, no, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's, that's.
Speaker 2:that's a that's we may have to bring you back to to get more talking, because we've been going and going.
Speaker 1:I want to get ready to wrap the show like this. I got a question for Shay and then I want you to close the show out. Khalid Shay, if the world was your audience and that camera right there was your microphone. Let's go, shay. What would you say?
Speaker 4:Um, to be honest, I tell people to be they sales Like. A lot of people walk around trying to be like everybody else, trying to prove they disperson to everybody else and don't even know what their person had to go through the beat is way, or don't know what people suffer on being the type of person that they is like. Be authentic, be you, be true to you, love yourself, focus on self, get you some money and just just live your life, because if you don't, and you to be chasing where everybody else chasing you ain't gonna make it fall.
Speaker 4:Like you ain't gonna be nobody but the statistics, everybody looking like everybody else, trying to be like everybody else. But now you got a dream you passing because you trying to be like him and her when you could have been you and been way further.
Speaker 1:So I love that. Carlisha, if the world was your audience and that camera was your microphone, what would you say?
Speaker 3:Everything isn't what it seems and whatever that looks like when all the smoke clears, keep going, if you can do anything in the world, just keep going.
Speaker 1:Thank y'all for coming on. Feel the head. Love, love.
